Have a reason

I've been having a lot of ups and downs lately.
I've talked in short of my past with depression but never gone fully into detail of what I've been through.
I think when you are at the bottom the top seems to far away to imagine.
To get back on stable ground is more than a struggle. It takes more than medication and therapy sessions to pull yourself back.

So My ups and downs or highs and lowas are getting quite out of hand. I know I should go back to the day hospital but to do that is to admit I have a problem. It makes it real.

For me to cope I need to laugh. I often laugh at my condition becuse if it's a joke, then it's not real. This is what my shrink told me. Incedently is a shink did when the name implies I would be so thing right now.

I sepnt 7 and a half months going to group therapy.
I did a 6 week intensive course in it which was 2 hours 2 nights a week on a Monday and Thurday.
Then we dropped it once a month for 6 months while I saw a Psychologist for an hour a week.
I stopped that before Christmas because I though I was doing well.
I am ment to try CBT (cognitive behaviousral therapy) to help me with catching myself from falling.

Depression is a hidden illness. People don't talk about it for fear of being called a nut.
It's taboo. I speak about it freely. And I know it makes people uncomfortable. But I know that if I talk about it they will see it in a different light too.

I'm a normal 23 year old girl who suffers from depression.
To look at me am not out of the ordiary.
This is a slight hinderance. If I had a cast on my leg people know it's broken.
There are no outward signs of depression unless they are self inflicted and in that case you are generally called an attention seeker.

I will probably spend more time on this. I dunno if it would be a serious topic or a joke.

But my reason for posting is to have a reason.
To have a reason to get up is to put a value on yourself.
Right now I don't have work for 2 weeks so I have no reason to get up. And I know that if I don't give myself reasons but the end of the 2 weeks my slef worth will be so low I won't want to go back to work.

So make yourself have worth.
Even if it's getting up in the morning to walke the dog.
It's a reason.