When you were young

I'm just back from visiting my nan. Shw was taken in to hospital last Tuesday.
She broke her hip. She is 91 years old(in her 92nd year as she loves to tell any one who is willing to listen)

I haven't been sad in a long time. But tonight I was sad for her. She spent he life raising a family, which she did to great success. She has been widowed more of her life than she has been married. And she is(or was) of stable mind.
I guess knowing what is happening to you when your in hospital isn't that great. Sometimes I think she needs to maybe lose the head a bit.
But after seeing her tonight I think that maybe happening due to the drugs she's on.

But after her telling me she couldn't feed herslef now I lost it. It upset me that a woman who raised 5 kids single handed and has lived on her own for the past 13 years had been reduced to depending on other people to feed her.
For the first time since I was born my nana is old.
She looked all of those 91 years that she has spent on theis planet we call ours.

But I think what upsent me most was looking at her and not seeing my nana.
She was a dace champ. Irish dance and Waltzing.
She won the waltzing at 76 years old. And she danced with her sister who was 72.

I know she doesn't have long left. Who knows ho long any of us have.
But when death knocks at a loved ones door and they are gone, we are not mourning for them.
I feel we pine for them. Miss them for what they were to us.

I don't believe that the soul goes to heaven. I believe it goes wherever you were happiest.
As much as we miss people when they are gone, we miss their story and life they had up to that moment of passing.

We look back and remember and laugh about that time when....

We always look back with fondness. And we always look forward dubiously and with caution.

So for my nana. When the hi is good we are going waltzing. Even if I have to be the man.